Come and Play

Do these lyrics sound clean to you?

by Bethany Altschwager & Paige Rentz

Tuesday October 11, 2005

Bert and Ernie, the comic duo of Sesame Street fame, first appeared on children’s public television airwaves in 1969. The products of Jim Henson and Company, the pair came under fire in the 1980’s when rumors spread that the roommates were actually a homosexual couple. While the Children’s Television Workshop refutes this claim, the rumors remain.

Bethany: Kurt Anderson, author of The Real Thing, writes, "Bert and Ernie conduct themselves in the same loving, discreet way that millions of gay men, women and hand puppets do. They do their jobs well and live a splendidly settled life together in an impeccably decorated cabinet." Just because this couple fits many gay stereotypes, it is not necessarily the case that they are involved with one another. The issue is that they have been living together for over 30 years, sleeping in the same bedroom, and singing songs about each other (see lyrics to "Do You Like Me?").

Paige: Just because two men have lived together for years does not mean they are gay. Take, for instance, television’s Odd Couple. The pair parallels Bert and Ernie nearly perfectly. Bert is Felix Unger, the controlling neat freak, and Ernie and Oscar Madison are the carefree ne’er-do-wells. Unger and Madison lived together in a tiny apartment for years. Both carried on functional heterosexual relationships throughout the duration of their stay together, and not once engaged in a homosexual relationship. There is no reason to conclude that Bert and Ernie have done so either. Your suspicions are based on speculation and rumor.

Bethany: There are holes in your logic. Neither Bert nor Ernie has ever carried on heterosexual relationships with female Muppets. It should also be noted that Felix and Oscar never played doctor together. My previous arguments are neither speculation nor rumor; it is a fact that they have lived together, slept in the same bedroom, and been singing about each other since 1969.

Paige: Of course Bert and Ernie have never carried on heterosexual relationships on Sesame Street—it’s a children’s show! The Children’s Television Workshop is unlikely to show any sort of sexual relationship. Also, Bert and Ernie may share a room, but they sleep in separate beds. This is clearly not in line with the theory of their homosexual relationship.

Bethany: On the show, they do sleep in separate beds, but Bert is always perturbed about Ernie’s consumption of cookies in bed. Why would Bert be upset that Ernie eats cookies in his own bed if he did not intend to share that bed with him later? There is even video footage of Bert and Ernie sharing a bed on Family Guy in a bit called "H is for Homicide."

Paige: Well, if it’s on Family Guy, it must be true. There is no real evidence that Bert and Ernie are homosexuals. Mere rumor will not suffice. Other rumors have circulated that Bert is also a member of the Ku Klux Klan and an associate of Osama Bin Laden. Which rumors are true? Surely, if Bert is a member of either the KKK or Al Qaeda, he cannot be gay. Religious fundamentalists and white supremacists surely would not associate themselves with a homosexual, and surely Bert himself would not subscribe to either doctrine if he were gay.

Bethany: You make a good point, but would the KKK tolerate a member of Al Qaeda? Isn’t it also possible that people who subscribe to the theories of either institution are repressing their own insecurities by attacking others? What I’m saying is, is it possible that these organizations are harboring repressed homosexuals, people who overcompensate for their identity crises by blowing things up or setting things on fire?

Paige: You have a point. Perhaps Bert and Ernie are gay, but does it really matter? Although we cannot know for sure until they publicly acknowledge their relationship, if they are gay, they have been loyal friends and faithful partners in a loving relationship for over 30 years. One should be so lucky.

Bethany: In the spirit of Coming Out month, I suggest that Bert and Ernie move to Massachusetts (or Canada) and get married.