Sincerely Sarah: Advice. Sort of.

by Sarah Kobetis

Tuesday March 7, 2006

I think you are pure filler. Is it so?
You, dear reader, are quite the charmer. But I’m sure you hear that all the time, so on to your question: not filler, human interest. Get it right.

I am an RA and I saw my first years at [name of establishment serving alcoholic beverages redacted]. What should I do?
Congratulations for showing concern, but I think it’s out of your jurisdiction. I don’t know all the RA rules, but it seems like once your advisees are off campus, they’re blissfully out of your control. So, ask them how FYS is going. Find out if their roommates are still eating all their Oreos, and how does that make them feel? Or just ignore them. If I were you, I’d thank them for not getting drunk in their rooms and vomiting in your hallway. As long as you know they’re not driving, I think you’ve done your job. I’m assuming you’re 21, so buy them a drink; it’s a long walk back to campus.

Why is the granola in Bates always so weird?
This is a truth that I don’t know if everyone is going to be able to handle, so, if you’re sensitive to Bates-related exposes, stop reading now. For the brave, for those with a need for truth and justice in regards to their dining experience, read on: the granola in Bates is not granola at all—it’s crushed-up Nature Valley Bars. Seriously. I once found a whole bar in there. I cannot take full credit for this discovery, though; it was sophomore/self-declared "Bates scientist" Emily Goldsher who uncovered the truth. Her theory? Something had to be done with all those granola bars from the pub that no one buys. Reduce, reuse, recycle, my friends; it’s the Sarah Lawrence way.

Who’s Denise?
The new Director of Food Services, obviously! You’ve probably seen her: she hangs out in Bates, she’s friendly, little and recently offered you $100 in Flik cash—read the story on page 2 to find out more.